Excavating Voice: How Revision Brings Characters to Life

Since revising is my favorite part of my writing process I have thoughts on it. But rather than me telling you about my countless word-related epiphanies how about this?

I'll show you.

The excerpts I'm about to share come from book two in my unpublished MG sci-fi trilogy. This book was the second novel I’d ever written. Pre-agents, pre-book deals time frame. I’m talking 2009.

The first draft was a bloated mess. 71,000 words. After my first round of revisions, I went in and added 5,000 more words. What the? I blame my newbie writer brain, my I’d-never-worked-with-an-agent-or-editor-in-2009 brain.

Luckily, I’ve learned Mt. Everest amounts of technique and style since 2009.

So, may I present one example (and commentary in red) of a revision journey...

Opening Paragraph of My Original Draft:

*I advise grabbing a tissue or some sort of device to dry your tears...of laughter. Don't worry, I can take it. And I've already laughed myself silly. *

Sebbie waited for the bus alone. He watched his breath cloud and dissipate, and he wished it was still cool to bundle up in winter. Gloves, scarves and proper winter coats lined with fabrics designed to keep him warm had all been packed away since the end of fifth grade. West Chester Middle School started in sixth grade as did his complete immersion in all things cool. He discovered skateboarding, snowboarding and the skate shop in town. His skull covered Volcom hoodie just wasn’t cutting it against this Pennsylvania winter morning. Thick blonde hair escaped his Element wool cap by nearly two or three inches; he hadn’t had a real haircut since last August. He looked like your typical blonde-haired, blue-eyed skateboard punk.

MY OBSERVATIONS AND THOUGHTS:

I am not inside this character's head. Clearly. I mean, what 6th grade boy uses the word proper?! And I have him thinking that word in the third sentence. Also, he wouldn't describe himself! At least not in such a boring...adult-language way. This whole paragraph screams author's voice. Can you hear it? I know I can. And I hate it.

His authentic character voice is buried under layers and layers of my voice. So, I excavated...

Revised Opening Paragraph:

Sebbie waited for the bus alone. He watched his breath cloud and disappear and wished it was still okay to bundle up in winter. Gloves, scarves and what his mom called “proper winter attire” had all been packed away since the end of fifth grade. He’d flunk every fit check at West Chester Middle if he showed up in any of that junk. Unfortunately, his skull covered Volcom hoodie wasn’t cutting it against this wintery Pennsylvania morning. He blew hot breath into his stiff, cupped hands and then pulled down his Element beanie. His hair escaped the edges by two or three inches. Avoiding haircuts was one of his strongest flexes. He knew he looked like a typical blonde-haired, blue-eyed skateboarder, and guess what? He liked it that way.

MY OBSERVATIONS AND THOUGHTS:

I feel like Sebbie is present in the revised paragraph...present in every sentence...the way it should be if this chapter is from his point of view.

Can you feel him now?

Some Final Thoughts:

If you want your characters to feel real and authentic to your readers, let your characters do the talking, thinking, and feeling. Do whatever it takes to keep you out of it. Let your characters come alive on the page.

What helped me bring my characters to life was taking the time to get to know them. Find a decent character study (there are tons online) and do a deep dive into each MC.

A few meaty questions to help you get started:

What are they afraid of? Why are they afraid of that?

What do they desperately want? Why do they want it?

What are the ashamed of? Why?

What do they think of themselves? Why do they feel that way?

What do they love to do? Why do they love it so much?

What do they hate doing? Why?

A final question for you: what part of the writing process is your favorite?

And a few questions for you: What are you working on? Where are you in your process?